Limits and Self-care
*** A note on this post. This was originally published on a former website on 4, September 2019. I am leaving that hosting for this one and migrating my former posts over here. Some information may not be accurate, but I am leaving the posts as they were.
We have gotten the vast majority of our things moved over to Roxboro and really, we had that done by Wednesday of this past week. Thursday was grocery day which meant wandering the hallowed aisles of the Costco. Friday was all about putting things away and working to unpack boxes. That was where I found my limit. We had planned to go back to Franklin on Saturday and finish getting the house ready for tenants. Friday evening I was so tired that I knew that the trip was not happening. My eyes were literally not focusing properly. We postponed the trip till Monday and we have been at the house puttering around and sleeping.
I took a nap yesterday. It was fantastic and the first one I have taken in a long time. I have problems being able to nap. Most often what happens is that I lay down and am suddenly wide awake. It is awful. I love napping but it does not love me. So I napped and I have gone to sleep early and I have maintained boundaries with people that don't always feel like they have to respect my boundaries. I have snuggled with my puppies and set up my office. It has been mostly lovely. There has been only one thing marring this restful weekend. Me.
Guilt has been working to tear me down all weekend as I feel like I should be working harder and getting all the things done. But really, I am ahead at this point. My book is nearly ready to go and that was my big thing this quarter. Get that book finished and published. I am on that, it publishes the end of the month. The house is way more put together than it has any right to be at this point. So I have been fighting off this guilt all weekend. It comes from a childhood of never being good enough or enough at all, the lingering trauma tells me that I need to keep going. My best is not good enough.
The Goddess in me tells that me that trauma is lying and that everyone deserves to rest and to care for themselves. Even me. Therefore, I am resting as best I can. Right now that means that I am sitting at my desk and tapping out a post about limits and self-care. I know I am not the only one that fights with this. A lot of us Gen X-ers grew up with severely damaged parents. Not all of us, but more than the baby boomers like to admit. Some of us have fought past this over and over (because it never really goes away), managing to step out of what runs in the family.
It Runs Out with Me
I have done this, not as fast as my daughters would like nor as fast as I feel they deserved. As I told one of them recently, I did the best I knew back then and I did better when I knew better. Better meant I lost contact with my birth family, but that is how it is.
It is running through the last few rounds of edits, and I am super excited to be getting this close to having my first fantasy book published. I have a couple of herbal recipe books out and I am proud of them. But this one is my baby. This book has been in my head for years and putting it out into the world is huge for me. While I am talking about it let me throw out the reminder that you can preorder your copy now on Amazon and clicking this link will take you right to it. Go ahead, I will wait.
Got it? Great! It will download automatically on the 30th.
For everyone that doesn't use Amazon, I will be working on publishing to other platforms by mid-January. I am familiar with Amazon so that is where I am starting. That is why I need the lead time before I get the book up on the other platforms. Account creations and all that. I am starting work on book 2 in the series as well. That will be in progress at the same time. I hope to have it out by mid-January on Amazon. I haven't decided whether book 2 will do a kindle unlimited tour or not, if it doesn't then it will be out in mid-January on the other platforms as well.
For now, I need to go rest some more. My eyes are telling me sleep. I don't know if another nap will happen, but I am trying to be open to the possibility.